When my faith becomes small

As I'm hurriedly fixing my hair, running behind already for an Easter party, I say out loud, "Please Lord Jesus make this work."   My three year old who is standing under me watching my every move looks up at me with a puzzled look and says, "Mama, are you talking to me?"  I say "No actually I was taking to Jesus."  She thinks about it a second and says, "But Mama, He's not here. It's just me and you."

Do I forget that just because I can't see Him doesn't mean He's not here?  Do I lose faith too often? 

 





To be very honest, the answer is yes.  I do lose faith.  Quickly.  I forget that He is able to do exceedingly above what I can even imagine.  And I forget that I have the greatest priveledge in the world.  I can come before the throne of grace boldly in prayer and He is always there.  I forget that He promises to give us the desires of our heart.

I give up so easily.  When I can't see a change in someone/something when I think I should, I lose faith that He will answer my prayers.  When I am hurt by someone I get angry and give up.  I stop praying.  I become bitter.  When I don't get the answer I want, I am frustrated and question His plan.  "God will bring His word to pass but we have to wait on Him to complete other work as a part of that puzzle He is putting into place."  I believe that nothing and no one can keep God's plan from coming to pass in my life.  There is always an appointed time for everything. 



When I try my best to live in a way to honor Christ, I sometimes become weary.  I get tired.  I forget that God sees me and knows my heart.  "Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him; on those who hope for His loving-kindness." ~ Psalms 33:18

I must die to self daily.  Over and over and over and over and.....

I'm so thankful for people that God places in our lives to remind us of the goodness of God.

I am on a journey, and tests are a part of that journey.  God is a promise-keeping God.

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord.  Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." ~ Psalms 27:13-14



Blessings,

Stuffed with small things

"If we don’t feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because you have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because we have nibbled so long at the table of the world. Our soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for the great." (A Hunger for God, Crossway Books, 1997)

I hear myself so often say, "I'm so frustrated with life.  I just wish it were easy.  Why is there always something/someone to deal with?"

Lately, God has started to put a new perspective on things.  The truths of his Word make the answer so clear.

Maybe not always easier, but better in ways that I really don't know how to explain.

"This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope, It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him." ~ Lam. 2:21-25

"The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing." ~ Zephaniah 3:17

"And I will bring them through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried; they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The LORD is my God." ~ Zechariah 13:9

 

Whether it be health issues of your own, sick children, trouble in your marriage, financial struggles, opposition with your family or friends, or whatever your 'thing' my be.  Life can be tough.

 

For me, one of the best ways to fight back against all the 'life stuff', is to find some quiet moments doing something that I enjoy which usually involves music and sunlight.

 

And around this time of year, flowers!

 



There's something about the sunlight that lifts my spirits and gives me hope and encouragement.  It's funny how the weather really can determine my outlook on things.  I'm so thankful for Spring and the hope of new life that it brings.

 



I know so many of us are struggling through the day in and day outs of life.  And the truth is it's not going to change as long as we live here on this Earth. "These things I have told you, that in me you might have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." ~ John 16:33

We have reason for joy.  He has overcome the world {and all the 'stuff'}.

When I can direct my thoughts in a positive direction, I will always be better for it.  And literally counting my blessings is a good way to start.  When I deliberately thank God for blessings his has graciously given us, it changes my attitude.  I have so much to be thankful for!





And because He has so abundantly blessed our lives, I think He would be delighted for us to step out of the ordinary.  The ordinary of just living life.  Doing the comfortable.  The easy.  Never looking outside of our little box.  What that means for your family, I'm not sure.  But my heart is being pricked in lots of ways.  I just need to be obedient.  Simply obedient.  I don't want to 'nibble on the small things of this world' and fill up so full that I don't have room for the great.



The small things of insecurity, needing so desperately the approval of others.  Spending my time and money on earthly things instead of eternal.  "Keeping up with the Joneses."  Teaching my kids about God's love and grace for all instead of creating little people who think 'it's all about ME'.

God has blessed us all too much not to do something extra-ordinary with our time here!  To store up our treasures in heaven and not on earth.

I pray that you are able to look through the yuck to the other side and see the love of Christ.  To press on inspite of the world's 'stuff'.  To know that God is refining you through the fire.  Making you a better you.  Forming new life and new hope .  Giving you the courage to step out of the ordinary and do something extra-ordinary. And strengthening you for the unseen battles ahead.

"The battle of life is, in most cases, fought uphill; and to win it without a struggle were perhaps to win it without honor. If there were no difficulties there would be no success; if there were nothing to struggle for, there would be nothing to be achieved."  ~Samuel Smiles

Linking up with:::

 



Blessings,

Imperfect Progress

 

Real life in between those smiling snapshots isn't always pretty.  I can admit that.

The scene replays itself over and over again.   I'm in a hurry.  Probably because I've tried to pack too many little tasks into too few minutes.  The kids are non-responsive to most of my questions and commands.  Shoes are lost.  Hair is not brushed.  And neither are teeth.  An arguement over clothes has occured at least 4 times already.  Both are whining every breath.  Beds are unmade.  Lunches are half packed.  We finally head to the car.  One is in full-blown tears, and the other frowning, mumbling something about how he doesn't like me under his breath.  I buckle the carseat while she screams and tells me her dress won't fit between the straps right and her shoes are too tight.  She wants her business, blanket and Cocoa. The other is demanding to have the DVD turned on.  And then we, I mean I, remember we, I mean he, had homework.  We have no letter "Ee" pictures, and I was supposed to provide snacks for the class party.  We are currently 8 minutes late and still sitting in the carport! 

Then it happens.  The Mama meltdown.  Words are said that most certainly don't 'give life' and that can never be taken back at a decibel level that even my deaf family members could here and most definitely the neighbors.  I apologize over and over and eventually find myself in a puddle of tears with both children wrapped in a hug tighter than a Boa Constricter and we finally arrive to our destination an hour later.  I feel guilty all day and wonder how-in-the-world-I'll-ever-learn.

The next day proves I haven't learned.  Same song, different verse.

"I know what it's like to praise God one minute and in the next minute yell and scream at my child."

 It's the ugly and the nasty, but it's the truth.

"I grabbed my purse, slammed the door, and screeched the tires as I angrily peeled out of the driveway on my way to a meeting.  A meeting for which I was now an hour late and in no mood to participate.  It was probably some meeting about being kind to your family...and now it's 2:08 a.m. and I can't sleep. I 'm sad because of the way I acted today.  I'm disappointed in my lack of self-control... I have to figure this out.  What is my problem?  Why can't I seem to control my reactions?  I stuff.  I explode.  And I don't know how to get a handle on this.  But God help me if I don't get a handle on this.  I will destroy the relationships I value most and weave into my life permanent threads of short-temperedness, shame, fear, and frustration.  Is that what I really want?  Do I want my headstone to read, "Well, on the days she was nice she was really nice.  But on the days she wasn't, rest assured, hell hath no fury like the woman who lies beneath the ground right here"?  No.  That's not what I want.  So, at 2:08 a.m., I vow to do better tomorrow.  But better proves elusive,and my vow wears thin in the face of daily annoyances and unpleasant realities.  Tears slip and I'm worn out from trying.  Always trying.  So who says emotions aren't bad? I feel broken.  Unglued, actually.  I have vowed to do better at 2:08 a.m. and 8:14 a.m. ad 3:37 p.m. and 9:49 p.m. and many other minutes in between." ~ Lysa Terkeurst

In her book, Unglued, Lysa writes about four different reactions to our emotions:::

1. The exploder who shames herself
2. The exploder who blames others
3. The stuffer who builds barriers
4. The stuffer who collects retaliation rocks

I haven't read far enough to give many details on each one, but I can just about tell you which one I am and which one my husband is just by reading the titles.

The one thing I have learned so far is that I'm not alone.  I'm not weird for having these emotions.  In fact, just this week I had this very conversation with my ladies prayer group and we are all in the same boat.  So my question is, "How can I be better?"  How can I make a lasting change?

Perspective.  Changing our perspective on things is crucial according to Lysa Terkeurst.  Perspective doesn't just help us see the current circumstance we're facing from a new vantage point---it also helps me process future things I face in a calmer, more grounded way.

Changing our thought patterns is another huge help.  I did a study by Chip Ingram a few years back called "Good to Great" and he took several days of his study discussing the topic of our thoughts.  It is amazing how much influence on who we actually are is controlled by our thought patterns.  "Renewing our minds with new thoughts is crucial.  New thoughts come from new perspectives." 

"I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control." ~ Lysa Terkeurst

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is---his good, pleasing and perfect will." ~ Romans 12:2

We must take captive our every thought.  It's biblical and it's fitting to the way God designed our brains.

My prayer is that I will be sensitive to His voice in the moment.  In the moment of frustration, I can take captive my thoughts and therefore control my emotions and reactions. 

"The tongue is the only tool that grows sharper with every use." ~ Washington Irving

I haven't got it mastered.  In fact, I'm a long way from it.  But I know God is working.  There is a beautiful reality called imperfect progress. 

"Imperfect changes are slow steps of progress wrapped in grace...imperfect progress."



Blessings,

Ain't nobody got time for that

The sky is so amusing to me.  I am always captured by the sunset and I'm so thankful I have this beautiful view out the back of my house.  If I could, I'd take down every wall across the back and put windows in.  In the evenings when I'm supposed to be cooking supper, I catch myself standing at the back door, looking out at the sky while the rice cooks to mush, and the bread burns.  I usually run to get my camera and take 57 pictures while John says, "How many pictures of the same thing can you take? You did this yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that."  And he's right.  I just can't get enough.

We have started the process of lent and after a whopping 7 days, I am pleased with how it has turned out.  Let me give you a quick run-down:

• We as a family decided to fast from TV viewing {at night}.  I proposed, {just to give us something to go by and because I'm a little OCD about planning and scheduling} we would start our fast beginning at 4:00 every afternoon.  The TV remains turned off from then until the kids are in bed, and if after that my husband feels like he may explode without it, he turns it on to watch the same old junk over and over.  Surprisingly, he has left it off a couple of nights, and it has been fantastic.
• I am fasting from Facebook Monday-Saturday.  Who knew how much time I would save?!  I really didn't think it took away that much out of my day.  I just checked in here and there.  But man alive!  It has been a blessing on several levels.

{One of my favorite parts of this picture is the "Families Are Forever" sign.   In today's society that means absolutely nothing.  Even in the Christian world-view.  When it gets tough, we give up and move on to greener grass.  And yes, I know it can get really tough.  And no, I've not walked in some paths that so many have, but I do know that God intended  for a family to last forever.  There are no doubt exceptions that I believe God allows, but the VAST majority of "Biblical divorces" have nothing to do with what the Bible actually says.  I do not say that to be arrogant.  I know my marriage is NOT immune to failure.  I pray for His grace and mercy and protection on my family.  It is scary.}

 

Moving on...

Just to stay super honest, in the past 7 days, I've had to be on FB two times outside my {allowed} day.  I needed to get some info from a teacher, and also let a friend know plans had changed and that was the quickest way to do so.  And I also 'shared' a blog post from another blog because I thought it was just too good not to pass along.  And just to clarify {because I still think I have to explain myself way more than I should} I can share things on Facebook without actually being on Facebook.  So that gives me the opportunity to still put things out there that may bless another person without 'breaking the rules' per say. 

Also, we did watch the Gold Rush special on Friday night.  After lots of begging {from kids AND husband}, I gave in.

 



I seriously don't want to be legalistic about any of this.  I don't believe it's intended to make you feel guilt-ridden.  But instead to make you more aware of the need for Jesus and how much He gave for us. 

 

While on our fast, we've had time for some pretty cool crafts, long dinner conversations, playing games, some serious hide-and-seek, more bedtime stories and snuggling, and some super duper tea parties.  And I've had more time to read....it's been so nice.

I would even venture to say, it has somewhat simplified life.
 



The time away from the social-media has been a blessing.  Don't get me wrong.  I have enjoyed Facebook.  It is super convenient.  And there are some really good aspects of it.  I just felt the need to back away somewhat.  I think I had become too dependent on it and the ability to know every little detail of other's lives had become in some crazy kind of way an added stressor that I don't need.  The break has been refreshing.



So, after 5 days into this new {for our family anyway} idea, I am liking it.

 

Life is waaaay too short.  Kids are growing waaaay too fast.  I'm getting old-er.  And that stuff just steals away my precious time more than I ever thought.



And really, I agree with Sweet Brown.  "Ain't nobody got time for that."

Blessings,

Not a sometimes love

 

"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~ Romans 8:38,39

On this Valentine's Day I'm thankful that God's love for me is not a sometimes kind of love.  His love and mercy and grace never grows thin.

How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure.  That He should give his only Son, and make a wretch his treasure.  Why should I gain from his reward?  I cannot give an answer.  But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom.

Whether I deserve His love or not.  Whether I can return His love or not.  Whether I mess up.  Make big mistakes.  It doesn't matter.  His love never changes.  His is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Before the throne of God above I have a strong and perfect plea.  A great high Priest whose name is Love.  Whoever lives and pleads for me.  My name is graven on His hands.  My name is written on His heart.

 Happy Valentine's Day friends!

I hope you know the love that's not a sometimes kind of love. 
But the kind that spared nothing.

If God be for us, who can be against us?  He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?" ~ Romans 8:31,32

Blessings,

Mr. & Mrs.



"Maybe you have communication problems over things you think are problems, but God does not. We often focus on people and situations, while God's focus is on us.  He is using the things in our lives as tools for accomplishing his work in us." ~ Paul David Tripp



 

I believe that God is at work in every situation to conform us to the image of His Son.  And marriage is definitely no exception.  In fact, I think it may be the greatest avenue for molding us into His image.  I found this out quick.  And it is still a fact today.  So many of us think marriage was designed to make us happy.  And I find that to be untrue.  We find ourselves in circumstances daily that prove that idea to be false.  We are two imperfect people trying to do life together.  It ain't easy, Jack.  But behind the circumstances is a God of love who is relentlessly at work to make us holy.  Rather than tell us that God has forgotten us, our circumstances shout to us that he has remembered us and will not leave until his work is complete!

 

"The struggles are not a mistake.  They are tokens of redemptive love.  Trials should not lead us to doubt the love of the King; they should convince us of it." ~ Tripp

 
 

After almost 7 short years of marriage, I can confidently say communication is the toughest thing for us to conquer.  Or figure out.  Or get.  Or even sorta-kinda become good at. 

 

I'd be totally lying if I said we even have the foggiest clue on how to communicate.  Can someone please tell me...Why in heaven's name is it so hard to communicate with someone you spend the vast majority of your hours with?!!?! 

I just keep holding onto the promise that He's still workin' on me.



 

 

 

A lot of days, good communication between us has gone MIA.  I feel like we are speaking a foreign language.  The problem is we're speaking two different ones.   It.just.ain't.gonna.happen. 

 

I found these pretty journals at Dayspring and my little brain said, "Ahha.  This could be a start." 

 

As I have said before, I love notes.  Notes of any kind, any size, and for any reason.  So, my idea for these little jewels was to enhance our communication skills.  Sounds like a good idea, right?  I have read in the past on several different occasions, that when you just can't seem to talk it out, try writing a letter.  We have done that a few times, and it actually worked.

 

So far this is a good plan.  And what I mean by so far, is we've each written one entry.  It certainly doesn't take the place of real, live communication and it hasn't been a miracle worker, but I have hope.  And not to mention, I love to read what John writes.  I usually end up laughing out loud {more than once}, crying, and wondering why in the world we don't do this more often.  Mostly because 1.} He is not a man of many words about some things. So it takes effort. And I like to know he put forth some effort. 2.} It takes time. 3.} He doesn't like to write. {After we got married, he immediately forgot how to write a check.} 4.} He is a terrible speller.  To the point of it being humorous.  And by the way, I love that about him.

 

I'll share a few lines because they are just too darn good not to:::

{Note: no corrections have been made.}

John: "I am not going to be able to write as long as you do, or I might fall asleep, or get corpotunnel syndrom or something.  I know I spelled that wrong.  You can quite laughing now.  No really you can stop laughing."



 

I have been thinking a lot about this Easter season and how I really want to teach my children that Easter is not about how nice we dress or how many eggs we find, but that it's about the greatest sacrifice ever made.  I have been researching the process of lent and we have come up with how our family is going to participate this year.  Although we are not Catholic, I see nothing at all wrong with denying ourselves of a few things in an attempt to better identify with Christ in those weeks before His crucifixion.  I am very well aware of the fact that we can never know the depths of His pain, but the idea is to somewhat identify with Him through the sacrifice of cetain things we enjoy.  Things such as technology, certain foods we like, and/or entertainment whether it be T.V., internet, or movies.  Just whatever floats your boat.

 

I said all that to make this next entry make sense:::

Me: Wednesday starts our 6 weeks of lent.  I have decided what I am giving up for my personal sacrifice and for the 'family sacrifice' I was thinking about T.V.  What do you think?"

John: "I don't know much about it, but I already learned it isn't something that comes out of the dryer."

 

See what I mean!  It's just too funny not to do!!!

 

And to clarify, just so noone thinks I'm making fun of my husband...before I researched 'lent' I didn't know much more about it than that it wasn't something that came out of the dryer either.  And secondly, I love to read what he writes.  It somehow makes me love him even more!

 

Hope you and your valentine have a happy day! 

With lots of good communication ;-}

 

 

 

Blessings.



When you're just not good enough

"Learn to see God in the details, in the laundry, the dishes, the ants on the ground. We were created to resonate with stories. God loves stories, Jesus is a story...." ~Sarah Markley, The Best Days of My Life

Do you see God in the details?  Most times, I can't say that I do.  I just see the details.  The laundry.  Another four loads?!  I just washed every. single. piece. in. here. yesterday!  Make the beds again?  Pay the bills?  I just paid that!!!  Cook supper?  Really?  You're hungry again?  Sweep the floor?  Not again!  Go here.  Go there. 

"Mama, can you...?"  "Mama, will you...?"  Mama, I need...."  "Honey will you...?" 

I think I may scream.  Or run away.  Or pretend I can't hear all the "I needs."

I'm tired.  I fall in the bed and wonder how in the world I'll do it all over again tomorrow.  Ever feel that way?  I know you do.  We all do. 

I truly want to do the best I can as a mom and a wife.  But some days it just doesn't work.

My kids drive me to the brink of insanity.  They hate food.  And sometimes they hate me.  John and I bicker and fight over the little things.  The house is a mess and dinner is burnt.  The kids fight and argue over. every. little. thing.  Today my sweet baby girl took her precious little foot and stomped mine because I told her to let me button her dress.  Ughh! 

Alone, I'm just not good enough.  I can't get it right.  I can't make it work.  I'll never get it all done.  I'll disappoint.  I'll mess up.  My kids will too.

Far too often, I'm living for tomorrow and missing today.  Wondering what's next and missing the moment.  Planning ahead and forgetting the here and now.

 

"I hear His whispers    ---purpose is lived out in the daily steps.   We are formed and continuously refined in the seemingly monotonous. My weakness makes way for the Mighty One."

I love these precious peeps more than I could ever imagine.  And I don't want to mess up.  I don't want to miss out.  I want to be everything I can be for them. 

 

I am so thankful for God's love and mercy.  I am grateful that I don't have to do it alone.  He has a plan and it is bigger and better and more amazing than anything I can ever imagine.  He doesn't need me to worry about it.  He's got it covered.  And no matter how many times I mess up, He never does.

He just wants us to be content.  At peace.  And rest in Him.  He is ready to do a mighty work in us.  But maybe, just maybe we are holding back.

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

When asked in an interview how he has been so successful, Micheal Phelps replied, "You've just got to stay in the pool longer than others."

Don't give up, Mama.  Don't get distracted, Wife.  Don't leave your work until it is finished.

Stay in the pool, girls.  And write your story on the hearts of those you love. 

Just stay in the pool.
 

 



Blessings,